'She's the only perfect ten I know': Man Rates Mutual Colleague Higher Than His Girlfriend, Leading to Jealous Dispute

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    r/ r/BestofRedditorUpdates u/Choice_E... • • 2d it dawned on me that h... I [25F) can't get over the fact that my boyfriend [26M] of 2 years told me that my now-colleague is the only "10" he knows of
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    Original Post (rareddit): February 21, 2019 Short background: Me and John met at uni during our bachelor's degree. He was in a relationship with someone else until the last year and we started dating about 6 months after that. I have never been this happy in a relationship before and we're on the same page about everything regarding future plans. I honestly feel like I'm behaving super silly, but given how long it's been I think I need some outside perspective.
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    This conversation happened almost 2 years ago. At the time, we weren't official yet, but had been dating for a while and were on our first vacation together. We were talking about looks in general and as a game, he asked me to rate myself on a scale from 1-10 and I in turn, asked him back. Then he asked who I thought was a 10. I've always thought that the only people who are tens are celebrities (because they get paid to look good plus photoshopped and what not), I just mentioned one or two. I o
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    So my heart sinks, because Julie was also in our class. I never knew her that well, a couple of conversations over the years, but she was never that involved in after-class activities or anything. And, as it happens, I had previously picked up on the fact that he seemed annoyed about the fact that she never joined the social stuff. As I aspire to approach situations as drama-less and logical as possible, I just say that I agreed that she is good looking. The thought nagged at me for a long while
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    In the fall I started my awesome job. There were two positions available when I applied, and guess who got the other one? YES you are correct, it was Julie. So now, we are colleagues and I see her every- damn-day. She's nice and we get along well. But the fact that I have to see here everyday ends up in me comparing us, and I am so annoyed with myself for it. And like 2-4 times a month, I'm in bed, and the comment pops into my head and my heart sinks.
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    So a few months ago, after a couple (a lot) of drinks and our first real discussion about something unrelated, but sort of tangent, so I brought it up. Keep in mind, things were a bit heated due to the other discussion. I said something along the lines of "I know this might be stupid to bring up, as there isn't really anything you can do about it, but it's been bothering me." And after I explained he looked me in the eye said "Well, I can't do anything about that, I think Julie is the perfect te
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    So, I've obviously though about this a lot and I think one of the main reasons this is nagging at me in the degree it is, is that I've never been one to focus too much on looks. I do my make-up in like 5 minutes and just put clothes on without much thought. Its honestly something I've always prided myself on, considering the people I hung around with while growing up, who did care a lot. John however, cares about looks. And this is also the first relationship I'm in where I'm honestly afraid tha
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    So kind people of reddit, please give me some advice on how to forget this or handle it in a better way than I'm doing now. tldr: my boyfriend told me another girl, who was classmate of us at the time and is now my colleague, was the only perfect ten he knew of.
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    EDIT: Just to make this clear - I agree the rating system is immature. A lot of people are however saying I should dump him over this and I just want to make it clear that you are now reading the worst thing that has happened during our relationship, which I honestly think is a good indication that we really do have a great relationship. While I agree it was a thoughtless thing of him to say, at this point, this is really my problem. I've gotten some good advice and observations in the comments
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    Edit 2: I'm seeing a lot are commenting on the timing of when I brought the issue up, so I should probably explain why I felt in was tangent to our conversation at the time. When I said he cares about looks, it's mostly due to his passion for clothes. While it's not one of my own interests, I've actually learned a great deal about it during our time together and respect the fact that he cares. We were meeting a couple who were friends of his and it was my first time meeting them. He told me as I
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    Anywho, I'm having trouble following all the comments, but I'm trying to read all of them. Thanks again to everyone who's bothered replying.
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    Relevant Comments [Deleted]: this is ridiculous. it reminds me of the time my ex was talking about how some other girl had better pussy than me with his friends and i was literally sitting right there. don't put up with this. you deserve to be with somebody who thinks you're the most beautiful woman on the planet. seriously, raise your standards. edit: why did you "push" him to become official? why are you pushing a man to do anything? this one clearly isn't that thrilled about being with you at
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    OOP: That sounds awful!! Well, we startet sleeping together in January, started dating at the 3 month mark and come late November, neither of us had brought up being official yet (but had the exclusive-conversation right after we started dating). After being hounded by friends and family for months asking why we weren't a couple yet, I brought it up and he responded by saying he didn't feel it was that important. So I was sad and figured I should probably break it off, but we continued hanging o
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    dirtgirlbyday: Pushing him to be official makes you sound like his backup plan. Commenting on another womans attractiveness in the manner he did makes it seem like he is waiting for something better to come along. OOP: I agree, I think that's why it bothers me ao much. Copying from another comment regarding the "push" for becoming official, which may have heard a bit more dramatic than it actually was:
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    Well, we started sleeping together in January, started dating at the 3 month mark and come late November, neither of us had brought up being official yet (but had the exclusive-conversation right after we started dating). After being hounded by friends and family for months asking why we weren't a couple yet, I brought it up and he responded by saying he didn't feel it was that important. So I was sad and figured I should probably break it off, but we continued hanging out and in December we agr
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    Update: July 26, 2024 (5 years later) Hi everyone, I love updates, so I figured I should give one to my only popular post instead of just my usual lurking. Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/ relationships/s/9gICXA6jMe It's a bit hard to remember details after 5 years, but we had a big blow-out some time after I posted this. I snapped at one point after he pushed the issue when I had told him I didn't want to talk about it, and ended up telling him how mean that was (aka the later comment:
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    However I just got into a funk for a couple of days after the confrontation, partly due to the comments on this post that were quite harsh. He got super worried when I was subdued after 3 or so days, and he apologized profusely and said he would work on his stubbornness, communication, and be better at complimenting me. In addition, he explained that the comment was partly due to the style of communication he and his ex had, where where each of them just dug themselves deeper into their position
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    And I'm happy to say that he did improve massively. He is still stubborn and can still quickly go on the offense in discussions we have, but we are now married (he proposed), have a 1.5-year-old boy, and we are happy. This remains one of our biggest argument to date.
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    Sidenote: I changed jobs, but so did Julie, and we ended up at the same firm - again!! So we are still colleagues, but there are 1000+ people at our office so I don't see her as much nowadays. I still catch myself interested in what she posts on SM, but that's about it. I rarely think about her or this situation. TL;DR: we are happy, got married, had a baby
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    Comments Glamonster: Bruh, the whole 1-10 rating system is ridiculous. There is no objective 10, my friends think that my type is ugly af and I think their types are as boring as a piece of white bread. But why the hell would you rate another woman, who is not your spouse, higher than your actual spouse unless you want to hurt them? I have no idea. Like, if I like someone they would be the most beautiful person in the world for me, even if objectively they look like Quasimodo.
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    Edit: To all the people that say that truth matters, its only your truth. If you genuinely think that whatever celebrity is hotter than your partner, well, I think that they are not hotter than mine. Yes, really. Like I can't comprehend feeling that the person you love is not the hottest thing in the entire the world. Even if they are old/sick or disfigured.
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    Lois LaneEl • 2d the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here I want to know what he rated OOP though ← Reply 1.2k
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    mankytoes 2d • And what she ranked him... 99
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    lucyloo87. 2d I look at myself and see blah. I can scrub up ok occassionally but I still think Im average on a good day. My partner describes me as gorgeous and perfect. Reply û 247 ♡
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    LavenderGumes • 2d I expect my partner to find other people more physically attractive than me and don't really expect them to think I'm any more attractive than I think I am. I'd be bugged if they told me every single time they thought someone was more attractive than me, but telling me some acquaintance is a 10 would only result in me teasing my partner a bit. Do I have a healthy ego or just really low self esteem? 51
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    Reasonable Fig2111 • 1d I'd expect my partner to not suggesting a rating game just so he can tell me how hot he thinks it mutual acquaintance is. Like, he brought up ratings. He asked the "who do you think is a 10" question, knowing it would then be asked if him. He still answered with somebody they both know, even after her answer was a celebrity, which is a totally different tone.
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    This whole situation was so he could tell her how hot Julie is. What I really want to know and will never know the answer, is what he would have said for his answer if she had said he was a 10. Would he have reciprocated? Would he have gone with a celebrity? Or would he have still answered Julie? ← 14
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    bhamv. 2d My wife and I will sometimes give attractiveness ratings to people we see (both men and women). There have been occasions where I will give women a score of nine or ten. But whenever my wife asks me what her score is, I'll say something like eight thousand five hundred and twenty nine. ... ← Reply 958
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    feraxks • 2d I'll say something like eight thousand five hundred and twenty nine. Dude, why so low?!? Seriously, that's a cool way to let your wife know that in your eyes no one compares to her. ... 378
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    bhamv. 2d There's actually a formula for the number, believe it or not. The way I described it to my wife is that she was already a perfect 10 on the day we met, but every day after that she just kept getting more and more attractive, so her score just kept going up daily, like 11/10 the next day, and then 12/10 the day after that, etc. One day my wife pointed out that the number was too high based on this calculation method, for example maybe we'd known each other for roughly 1000 days but I'd
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    arsenal_kate. 2d Putting the rating stuff aside, what baffles me is her explanation of their relationship timeline. They became exclusive in like April, but didn't become official until December? Why on earth would exclusivity come before a defined relationship, especially that long before? Is it that terrifying to call someone your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner that it takes 8 months to get there? What were they calling each other before? "Hi, this is my friend with exclusive benefits?" ... Repl
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    pritt_stick. 1d my theory: it just seems like he enjoyed OOP'S company/sex, but he didn't want to make it official in case something better came along. being "exclusive" means OOP can't date/fuck anyone else (so he gets all of her attention), but if HE wants to date/fuck others he can just say "we weren't technically together" and break it off with minimal fallout. which is why he only caved after months of building pressure from OOP and her family. 54
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    armchairdetective. 1d Bullshit artist, bullshit story Redditors asking for advice but missing the actual issue. Name a more iconic duo. Reply ☑ 23
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    brigids_fire 1d That update pains me. You just know in another 10-15 years OP will be posting about how her husband left her for a "10" ← Reply 47
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    dryadduinath • 1d My guy asked his girl to rate herself, then asked her who she thought was a ten, and then said another girl they know was a ten for sure. I don't know what game he is playing, but I know he is for sure playing games. Ŵ 3 ← Reply 21

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